Jonathan Ferrell, Broken Body

It was 2:30 in the morning
You lost control of your
Car on the curve
Smashing into the trees
Your door unopenable
Maybe you fell asleep
Or maybe you were thinking of
The discussion you had with your fiance that morning
(technically the morning before)
She was wanting you to commit
"Do you know where you're heading?"
Working two jobs
Trying to find your way in the world

You'd been together for seven years
High school sweethearts
You followed her here
Because she got a good job
Seems to know what she wants
Where she is heading
"Are we still on the same path?"
Maybe that's what you were thinking
When the trees came impossibly close

The impact must have been jarring
It was already the middle of the night
And now you're trapped
Inside the broken body
Of your car

You dragged
Your broken body
Out of the back window
You went to the nearest house
You knocked loudly on the door
Since the occupants were most likely asleep
You didn't want to alarm them
But you were bleeding
You needed help

A woman came to the door
Opened it
Then quickly closed it
She switched on the house alarm
The yard was flooded with light
You yelled at her to turn off the alarm 

"Hello?!"
Why didn't she help you?

You heard sirens
"Oh, good"
Even though she didn't help you
She called for help
Police cars arrived
You wondered if your vision was reliable
You couldn't trust your eyes
Surely there aren't three officers

There seemed to be a lot of yelling
Your head was splitting
You couldn't make sense of what was happening
You put your arms out
And walked towards the police
One of them reached out to you with
Something
There was more yelling
Your body, broken
Couldn't make sense of what was happening

A loud sound split the night air
You realized too late
They were not there to help you
"Did you shoot me?!"
The stinging pain
The rapid sounds
12 shots
10 entered your body
You fell to the ground
Thinking of your mother, Georgia
Your brother, Willie
Your precious Caché
As the lifeblood watered
The earth of the house
Of the white woman
Whose tears
Brought these men
To serve and protect her
From your
Brown body
Broken

"I was afraid" 

She said
"I was afraid"
The officer said
When white people are afraid
Brown bodies
Pay the price

It's ironic
This year you would have been
The same age as that white woman
Whose tears
Brought the men
To serve and protect her
It was just her and her baby
Alone in that house
Her husband working the late shift
At the hospital

It's ironic
Maybe if they had brought your
Body, broken
To the hospital
He might have been there
They both could have helped you

Instead
He will tell the reporters
Standing on his blood-watered lawn
"We just want to get on with our lives"

When he walks to the porch
From the driveway
Will he stand for a moment
At his door
Where your body, broken
Stood and frantically sought help?

When she kisses him
Before he leaves for work
Will her eyes be drawn
To the spot in the yard
Where your body, broken
Took its last breath?

"I was afraid"
"We just want to get on with our lives"

Maybe those were the same things
You were thinking
All day
Maybe you were afraid
That she'd be better off with someone else
Or that you weren't going to last
I hope you came to the conclusion
That you wanted to get on with your lives 

Together

We'll never know

Your body
Broken
Was seen as a threat

Your blood
Poured out
At the base of a tree

I painted your name
On a piece of poster board
Every Sunday
For weeks now
I hold up your name
I'm joined by many others
Too many others
Holding up other names
Why are there so many names?

Cars honk their support
Cyclists ch-ching their bells
Fists raised
Neighbors stop to express thanks

As I hold up the sign
With your name
Sometimes I realize
I am swaying side to side
Strangely like I'm holding a baby
Soothing him with a rocking motion
That's what I most think of Georgia
And pray for her 

After all these weeks
The sign is getting tattered
Hard to hold on to
The wind tries to
Rip it out of my hands
Other times the wind
Plasters the sign against me
I wear your name
I lift my arms above my head
Gripping the sides

And although your life was taken
7 years ago today
There will be no rest
For this grief
This 7-year cycle
Won't bring back what was taken
No restoration
No setting back the clock

That is why
I will hold up your name
And remember
Your body, broken
And proclaim your death
Until the long arc of the universe
Finally
Reaches
Justice

Nolan the Star Thrower

Eighteen years ago, I went to the hospital with some abdominal pain. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but what I thought was happening was an ectopic pregnancy—a fertilized egg that lodges in the fallopian tubes instead of the uterus and then grows there and often causes the tube to rupture. We had been trying to get pregnant for almost two years—so many doctor visits, tests, and procedures and just as many rides on the mental, spiritual and emotional roller coasters.

So here it was, a Monday night and school was starting the next day. Being a teacher, I didn’t want to miss the first day of school, but the pain was not going away and so off we went to Cook County emergency room. Abdominal pain is pretty low on the priority list at a busy hospital, so David and I waited hours and hours just to be seen.

Finally, around 2 a.m., my name was called and the doctor decided that an ultrasound was in order. I got wheeled off to what seemed like a closed part of the hospital—down a dark hallway to an ultrasound machine that was in a row of dimly lit curtained “rooms.” The technician looked up at me and said, “Do you want to see your baby?” I was so shocked—I didn’t know how to respond! The ultrasound technicians are usually sworn to silence and silently take pictures and tell you to wait to talk to your doctor about your results.

I couldn’t wait to tell David! He was in the waiting room and I came out and told him the good news! We left the hospital around 5 a.m. and went to an IHOP and had breakfast. We called his parents as soon as we got home because they lived in Europe and were several hours ahead of us. We had to wait to call mine because they were living in Seattle which was two hours behind us.

After we called all of our relatives, it was time to tell our friends. Having been up all night and then finding out our miracle baby was on his way, I was feeling very giddy and excited. I got to school and couldn’t wait to tell all my students and co-workers who had been praying for us. I had just finished telling them when Cynthia came into the room and said, “A plane just flew into the Pentagon!”

We switched on the TV and watched as the news reported on the plane flying into the World Trade Center. There was stunned silence in the room.

All that day, I had such a mixture of emotions. I had this amazing personal news in the midst of tragic national news. All day long, we kept asking “Have you heard our news?!” It was like we were offsetting the bad news just a little. Bringing a little light into a dark day.

Nolan was born 5 weeks early, which was totally unexpected, and the date of his birth fell on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s assassination. These two juxtapositions of dates, along with him being my miracle baby, made me see him as a harbinger of hope. My little Star Thrower—a glimpse of life in the midst of the overwhelming tide of darkness and death.

Silently, I sought and picked up a still-living star, spinning it far out into the wave. I spoke once briefly. “I understand,” I said, “call me another thrower.” 

Only then I allowed myself to think. He is not alone any longer. After us there will be others. We were part of the rainbow —like the drawing of a circle in men’s minds, the circle of perfection. 

I picked and flung another star. I could feel the movement in my body. It was like a sowing—the sowing of life on an infinitely gigantic scale. I looked back over my shoulder, and small and dark against the receding rainbow, the star thrower stooped and flung one more. I never looked back again. The task we assumed was too immense for gazing. I flung and flung again while all about us roared the insatiable waters of death, the burning sun, for it was men as well as starfish that we sought to save, a thrower who loved not man, but life.
–Loren Eiseley “The Star Thrower from the Unexpected Universe”

A Message to Y'all

Recently I had the distinct privilege to spend a weekend in the company of a Quaker elder in a retreat setting. One thing that especially caught my attention from this kind, calmly powerful gentleman was his use of the pronouns "thou, thee and thine" when talking to someone one-on-one. It was distracting at first because I didn't realize what he was saying, but once I heard him correctly and knew what he was saying, I found the practice quite intriguing.

Several years ago, I learned that the pronouns "thou, thee and thine" are like the "tu" pronoun in Spanish - the singular, familiar form of the second person pronoun. This was surprising to me since I had only seen them used in formal hymns and they always sound so distant and foreign - leading to my misinterpretation. I love the idea that the hymn writers used Thy and Thou because they felt intimately connected to God and wanted to use the pronouns to reflect their close relationship.

In the King James Version (KJV) Bible, anytime the singular form of the word "you" is used in the original Hebrew or Greek, it is translated "thou," and anytime the plural form of the word "you" is used, it is translated "ye" or "you." I have often in the past used the contraction popular in the southern states:"y'all" when indicating the plural "you."

For example, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 should read:

“Or do y’all not know that y’all’s body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within y’all, whom y’all have from God? Y’all are not y’all’s own, for y’all were bought with a price. So glorify God in y’all’s body.”

Although this language is a little distracting, it is an important distinction to make and can change the intent quite a bit. I think in general, when taking the message of the gospel for myself instead for ourselves, by which I mean the body of Christ, we miss a lot of what God intended. There is an online Y'all Version of the bible, if you want to read it with that particular pronoun inserted.

As I read through Deuteronomy this week, I thought that this book was probably particularly filled with "y'all"s since it is a message from Moses to the Israelites. But I was surprised to find that there are quite a few "thou"s in these chapters.

For instance and probably the most surprising to me is that the Shema is singular. In the beginning verse of Chapter 6, we read, "These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord y’all’s God directed me to teach y’all to observe in the land that y’all are crossing the Jordan to possess." (Y'All Version) That wasn't surprising, but a few verses later the pronouns change: "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might."(KJV) The Ten Commandments are also singular pronouns. I find it interesting to see where there is corporate responsibility and where it is personal. All throughout Deuteronomy, the pronouns switch back and forth. 

I think the Y'all Version is easier for me to read and digest than the King James, but that's just me. I feel so privileged to live in a time with so much technology on hand to make my personal bible reading time more meaningful which I hope in turn enriches or builds up the body in some way. 

One small way I thought about how this plays out is found in John 15:7:  "If y’all remain in me and my words remain in y’all, ask whatever y’all wish, and it will be done for y’all." If we all have to decide together what to ask God for, that is a big difference from what I might want to ask for myself. In fellowship with other believers, agreeing what to ask for collectively is an essential way to accurately understand what Jesus is saying here. As one seminarian puts it, "How much more would we value the local church if we realized most of the NT speaks to y’all, not you?"

So grab your KJV or get online and go to the Y'all Version and read some of your (y'all's) favorite scriptures. See if it changes the way you (y'all) think of what the verses are saying. 

Imagos Dei

This week's scripture readings in Numbers had some troubling accounts. The earth swallowed up some dissenters, there was fire from heaven, God threatened to disown and/or destroy the Israelites several times. As I was reading one of these more "angry" passages this week, I remembered something from a book that I read this summer. 

The book is Wearing God: Clothing, Laughter, Fire, and Other Overlooked Ways of Meeting God by Lauren Winner. Early on in the book she offers “A Short Note on Gender and Language for God,” where Winner challenges the reader to use either non-gendered or female pronouns for God - even for a short time - arguing that the he/him pronouns influence our picture of God and overly connect God to the masculine. The biblical foundation for the feminine God can be found when God compares Godself to a mother, a laboring woman, a hen and a midwife and there are plenty of non-gendered self identifiers: a rock, a bird, cloth, flame and a gate, to name a few. She issues a warning with the she/her challenge - that we shouldn't just use feminine pronouns when God seems nurturing and masculine pronouns when God seems warlike. Replace them all and see how it feels; how does it shape the way we imagine God.

As I was thinking about this in respect to the Numbers reading, I thought it might be nice to listen to an audio version of the Bible read by a woman. So I searched for one. There are no complete audio Bibles read by women. I couldn't believe it! There is an app called Courage for Life that has a large portion of the Bible available in female voices, but they haven't done Numbers yet. Another project by a woman named Shirley Banks is trying to crowd source a female voiced audio book version of the Bible. There are only 12 completed books on her website. 

Since I couldn't hear the book of Numbers read in a female voice, I thought it might help to pick a modern image of God from one of the many film portrayals and think of that actor/actress speaking every time God comes on the scene. When I googled film portrayals of God, I found pictures of Octavia Spencer, Alanis Morrisette, Morgan Freeman, Whoopi Goldberg, George Burns, and even Will Farrell. I was also reminded of the Oracle in the film the Matrix portrayed by Gloria Foster. I watched a few clips of these different expressions of God and then went back to the text.

It was surprisingly helpful to read God's voice as a woman. Especially a grandma. It reminded me of my own Grandma Billie, my mom's grandmother who would somewhat playfully swat my backside and say "help your mother" when I needed a little prodding to do the right thing. I realized that the angry male voice was terrifying to me, but the angry old female voice was somewhat comforting and had more of a right to be angry. 

Just try it with the following passage. Imagine your favorite grandma - maybe your own or maybe a TV or film grandma - a feisty one works best for this text. Got her in mind? Ok, now read these verses:

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Gather before me seventy men who are recognized as elders and leaders of Israel. Bring them to the Tabernacle to stand there with you. I will come down and talk to you there. I will take some of the Spirit that is upon you, and I will put the Spirit upon them also. They will bear the burden of the people along with you, so you will not have to carry it alone.
 “And say to the people, ‘Purify yourselves, for tomorrow you will have meat to eat. You were whining, and the Lord heard you when you cried, “Oh, for some meat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won’t be for just a day or two, or for five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the Lord, who is here among you, and you have whined to him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”’”
But Moses responded to the Lord, “There are 600,000 foot soldiers here with me, and yet you say, ‘I will give them meat for a whole month!’ Even if we butchered all our flocks and herds, would that satisfy them? Even if we caught all the fish in the sea, would that be enough?”
Then the Lord said to Moses, “Has my arm lost its power? Now you will see whether or not my word comes true!”

In my journey to find the best on screen portrayals of God, I came upon clips from a show I had never heard of: Joan of Arcadia. After asking around, several friends said that they thoroughly enjoyed it. It ran for 45 episodes back in the early 2000s and during its run, God appears to Joan as a Little Girl, Old Lady, Dog Walker, Cute Guy, Goth Kid, Twin Girl, Chess Player, Mime, Naval Officer, Housewife, Businessman, Homeless Man, Sidewalk Vendor, Mascot, Street Guitarist, Balloon Sculptor, Majorette, Rich Woman, Loner Loser Kid, Bad Stand-Up Comedian, and an East Indian Sunglasses Salesman - just to name a few!

I watched a few clips and most of the first episode online, and I felt comforted and challenged by this idea of God appearing to this teenage girl in all of these normal people. After watching this montage put to music, I found myself wondering how each of these Imago Dei's voices I could hear speaking scripture to me. And how many times I miss God speaking to me because God comes to me in unexpected ways. 

In the beginning, God said these words to Godself, "Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us." Every person we meet, every person who has ever lived, has been made in God's Image. But more than that, it is only when we learn to hear God in every voice together - the unison of all of the images and all of the metaphors - the fullness of God! that we begin to get a glimpse of who God really is. And a glimpse is all we get, even with all of creation singing its chorus together.

So I will keep listening with different voices as I read through the Bible this year. Maybe today, I will hear the voice of my friend's little girl, and tomorrow the voice of Vito, the karaoke singing senior citizen who lives in my building. A chorus of voices in unison speaking truth to me. All of it helping me to enter the Presence and helping me to be present to those Imagos Dei I encounter each day.

Food for the World

This week as I was reading through Leviticus, it struck me how much God was talking about washing. In a keyword search for the following words: bathe, wash, and clean, Leviticus was by far the front runner in the use of these words. So I guess that was on my mind when I went to prepare dinner on Friday.

I cook lunch and dinner for around 150 people every Friday in our commercial kitchen here at JPUSA with a team of about 3-4 others. Some of the tasks require more skill than others, and some tasks are downright tedious. One of the most tedious tasks is washing potatoes.
I volunteered to wash them this time around since I had escaped this task the last time. 

Everyone else was busy with other prep, so I was alone with 40 lbs of potatoes at the sink. As I started to wash, I was reminded of the Leviticus accounts of cleaning. I asked God to help me make any connections that the Spirit was trying to show me.

Why are you washing these potatoes? The question came to me. I am washing them so that they can be clean. That was the simple answer. I am constantly thinking of movies and TV connections, so the scene of Dorothy and her friends getting washed up to be presented to the Wizard came to mind. They went through an elaborate cleaning and beautifying process to be presentable to this Great and Powerful being they were trying to reach. I liked that picture, but it seemed incomplete and the metaphor totally broke down because the Wizard turns out to be a fraud and is demanding, etc.

So, I kept scrubbing potatoes and listening to the Spirit and the question came to me again: Why are you washing these potatoes? The simple answer came to me: so that they can be eaten. Did you know that the skin of the potato has the most nutrients? Leaving the skin on makes the potatoes much more nourishing. This reminded me of Jesus's words in John 6:51, "I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

For the life of the world. This is the reason that God is making for Godself a people in the wilderness - so that they would be an example to the world of how to come near to God. God was cleansing and setting apart a people that would act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God. 

This is still why people are called to be God's own. So that we can be food for the world. We are being cleaned and set apart so that we can bring the nourishment of God to those who have yet to experience it. 

On their website, the organization Bread for the World states their purpose as this: "As followers of Christ, we seek to express and embody God’s reconciling love at all times and in all places. Throughout the Scriptures, God speaks of our purpose to rebuild, restore and renew all that is broken (Isaiah 61). We work to end the brokenness of hunger and poverty in our communities, in our country, and around the world. We partner in God’s work to remove the barriers that impede the flourishing God intended for all people."

In order for Jesus to become the living bread, He had to die. And He told us that we have to die too. Over and over again. In all four gospels, we find the words, "whoever loses their life will find it." The synoptic gospels all have the words, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." We are called to die daily to identify with Jesus. 

This death isn't for our own sake. Just as Jesus died willingly to become the living bread and the cleansing blood for us, He calls us to do the same so that we can spread this "good infection" (as C.S. Lewis calls it) to the rest of the world. 

In his daily devotional, Bread for the Journey, Henri Nouwen writes, "When we take bread, bless it, break it, and give it with the words 'This is the Body of Christ,' we express our commitment to make our lives conform to the life of Christ. We too want to live as people chosen, blessed, and broken, and thus become food for the world."

This is why resurrection is so important. Not just to signify that we will live forever in heaven someday with God, but that we can die each day and be reborn each morning with new mercies given to us by our faithful, steadfast God. In the book of John, just before Jesus tells His disciples that they have to give up their life in order to find it, He says these words, "unless a seed falls into the ground and dies, it will only be a seed. If it dies, it will give much grain."A seed dies, produces fruit that has usually many seeds in it, and then those seeds can die and produce more fruit and the cycle goes on and on. 

Several years ago, Metro Trains in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia created a video to promote railway safety called "Dumb Ways to Die." It became a viral hit and produced a spin-off game that is now in its third iteration. As Christians, we should be all playing a game every day called "Good Ways to Die." Let me explain. If we are to take up our cross daily, that means to find ways to die each day. Some of these include denying our self by giving preferential treatment to others or by fasting. Another way was reinforced in our sermon at Uptown Church yesterday: forgive! We can die to our need to be understood. We die to the sinful ways of life that are destroying us. 

Mother Teresa has a beautiful poem that illustrates these good ways to die:

“Deliver me, O Jesus:
From the desire of being esteemed
From the desire of being loved
From the desire of being honored
From the desire of being praised
From the desire of being preferred to others
From the desire of being consulted
From the desire of being approved
From the desire of being popular.

Deliver me, O Jesus:

From the fear of being humiliated
From the fear of being despised
From the fear of being rebuked
From the fear of being slandered
From the fear of being forgotten
From the fear of being wronged
From the fear of being treated unfairly
From the fear of being suspected

And, Jesus, grant me the grace
To desire that others might be more loved than I
That others might be more esteemed than I
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I decrease
That others may be chosen and I set aside
That others may be preferred to me in everything
That others may become holier than I, provided that I, too, become as holy as I can.”

God isn't calling us to be doormats, God is calling us to live a life hidden with Christ in God's presence. We can suffer these deaths because we know who we are and Whose we are. We read in Colossians 3: "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." This secure position and right relationship give us the ability to die in these ways so that God can be revealed to the world. 

In Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech the night before he died, he said these words, "Like anybody, I would like to live a long life - longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will." 

In order to follow Jesus, we have to be willing to die in order to become food for the world. We have to say to God as He said, "not my will, but Your will be done."

Little Drummer Boy

This past Sunday, we were privileged to be at the Bloomington Catholic Worker in Bloomington, Indiana. Matt prepared a wonderful worship service for us to share which included several of the lectionary readings for the week. He read them each twice slowly with silence in between the readings. I invite you to read them in the same way:
 

Micah 6:6-8
6 “With what shall I come before the Lord,
and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
with calves a year old?
7 Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams,
with ten thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?”
8 He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?

 

1 Corinthians 1:26-31
26 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 

 

Matthew 5:1-12
Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him.
2 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

 

As I sat in silence, the image and the song of the Little Drummer Boy came vividly to mind. I have always loved this song and I can't ever sing through it without crying. I was reminded of the TV special that was on when I was a kid. It was TERRIFYING! It begins with the "little drummer boy" playing with his animal friends in the desert. The narrator tells us several times through the 30-minute special that he hates people, all people. Within minutes, the boy is kidnapped by two men who want to use him and his performing animals to make money. We are told in a flashback that his farm was burned down and he escaped while his parents perished - which is the reason he hates people. 

 I think it was the wording in Micah that made the connection for me. The asking how to come before the Lord and what to bring made me think of that one with "no gift to bring that's fit to give our king." 

Then as we moved on to the 1 Corinthians passage, I already had this picture and so it was reinforced with the weak, low and despised being chosen. Also, the "not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth" phrase resonated with this little drummer boy image - especially the one in the TV special. 

As I listened to the Beatitudes, those beautiful familiar blessings, they also had new meaning in the context of this simple children's song. I hadn't seen the TV special in years, but I had a vague memory of the boy being poor, orphaned and kidnapped. He was poor in spirit and mourning and meek and hungering for things to be made right. 

Since I hadn't seen it in decades, I decided to watch it when I got home. It was definitely just as scary as I remembered it and also didn't really stand the test of time in respect to how some of the Middle Eastern characters are portrayed, but there were a few pleasant surprises. The transformation of the main character who learns to give up his hate in the presence of his Savior for one. But the most surprising was the last sentence in the show as the music swells and the "camera" pulls back from the manger scene to the star overhead: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

Lapis Lazuli

This week as I was reading through Exodus, a passage jumped out at me. I have been reading the Bible for as long as I have known how to read and I have always enjoyed the Pentateuch. Some find it tedious or unnecessarily detailed, but I have always found it interesting. All of the descriptions of the laws and the garments. The instructions for building, for partying, for creating a life together between God and God's people.
But this week as I read Exodus 24, when I got to verses 9 - 11, I felt like I had never read those verses before! I'm sure I have, but I don't remember them. When this happens, it always feels like a portal has opened up, a secret passageway that I could have sworn wasn't there before.
Here the verses are in the New Living Translation:
^"Then Moses, Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and the seventy elders of Israel climbed up the mountain. There they saw the God of Israel. Under his feet there seemed to be a surface of brilliant blue lapis lazuli, as clear as the sky itself. And though these nobles of Israel gazed upon God, he did not destroy them. In fact, they ate a covenant meal, eating and drinking in his presence!"
I love this picture of a party to celebrate the peace/covenant made between God and God's people. There is so little description and I want to know so much more!
What did they eat? Did God serve them food? Why do they only mention God's feet? Did the surface separate them or were they all on it together? 
When I was little, my family went to see the King Tut exhibit at the Field Museum here in Chicago. It was 1977 and I remember waiting and waiting to get into the exhibit. I'm not sure what 7 year old me thought was behind those doors, but the waiting heightened my expectations. 
It was late by the time we went into the exhibit and the hush and the darkness were palpable. There were glass cases containing treasures, each one lit from inside - the majority of the light in the room came from these magical boxes. Traveling back in time to ancient Egypt, touching a bit of history. Mummies and pharaohs were mysterious figures, one from cartoons and the other from bible stories. I don't remember much of what I saw that night, but I do remember seeing lapis lazuli for the first time. The blue was so stunning and I loved the sounds of the words together. So luxurious. So kingly. 
This passage's mention of lapis lazuli transported me back to that night for a moment, and some of the emotions from that experience seem apropos - the awe and wonder in the presence of a king, the timelessness, the inability to describe what I saw. 
Whatever Moses and his family and the elders saw that day, I am sure it was full of these same emotions. Sometimes the telling of it doesn't measure up, so it seems better to treasure it instead. 
Lately I find myself doing this. Instead of taking pictures of gatherings with friends, I find that the times I don't post on social media or document it in any way are more precious to me. A time to treasure and not to broadcast. A private moment. A hidden event. Just a sentence in my journal or a ticket stub. 
Whatever happened that day on the mountain was just such a moment. A time to bolster these leaders as they prepared for their wilderness journey. A reminder that God was with them and would feed and provide. A seal on the covenant that they were making together. 
Throughout the wilderness wanderings and the making and keeping of the tabernacle, the color blue will be a major theme. Blue threads, blue cloths to cover the most holy instruments of worship.
The surface was also described as "clear as the sky" - did they look up on a clear day and reminisce about that time at God's table? Built into creation and commandments, there are these reminders of God's presence and provision.
This story is an example of God breaking through in a tangible way. The blue surface seems to be the most vibrant memory from that day. In my life, the times that I have felt closest to God sometimes have these types of touchstones: a smell, a touch, a sound, a feeling. Then when I see that color or touch that ticket stub in my pocket, or whatever it is, I am reminded of God's faithfulness. And just for a moment, I am transported to my hidden life with God and I feast on God's presence. 

Good News for All People

This week in our scripture readings, the people of Israel made it into Egypt. It is a story of redemption and reconnection. A resurrection story - this son that Jacob thought was dead is alive, the son that was lost is found. The family moves to the land of Goshen and settles separately from the Egyptians because of their agrarian way of life.

Fast forward hundreds of years and the Israelites have become numerous and the new rulers in the land fear them and enslave them. God’s desire is to fulfill God’s promise to the people of Israel that they would live in the land of Canaan - the land promised to Abraham.

God calls to Moses from the burning bush to get his attention. The beginning of many strange wonders, but Moses has a hard time trusting God. In order to show Moses that God desires a collaboration, God gives Moses a partner - his brother Aaron - to accompany him. Through a series of devastating plagues, God demonstrates sovereignty over the gods of Egypt and provision for the people of Israel. Before each one, God gives Pharaoh a chance to avoid the oncoming plague.

This has always been presented to me as a story of good guys and bad guys. God’s chosen people and those destined for destruction. It’s easier that way. Clear winners and losers. But I am trying to listen better to the good news for all, so I tried to see how this story could possibly be good news for Pharaoh and the Egyptians. 

In the specific context of Egypt, they worshiped many gods - even Pharaoh was considered a god in human form - often as Horus, the son of Ra. Each of the plagues dismantled the power of the Egyptian gods in increasing measure of importance and power. The last two plagues, darkness and death of the first born, attack Ra, the Sun god, and Pharaoh as the son of Ra.

That’s part of the good news for the oppressors.. A chance to see that the gods that they depend on for their safety and dominance are nothing compared to the God of the universe. God dismantles the systems little by little, giving Pharaoh a chance to change - to repent.

The redemption for the enslaved people was physical freedom, but the redemption for the oppressors was breaking down the systems that made enslavement possible. Israel will be on the receiving end of this type of redemption several hundreds of years later when they find themselves conquered and in exile. It can’t be good news for Judah and Israel later if it is not also good news for Pharaoh and Egypt now.

As I was praying about how this story could possibly be good for all parties in the story, the picture of the end scene of The Lord of the Flies flashed into my mind.

If you haven’t read it or seen any of the film adaptations, the basic story is of a group of boys who find themselves without adult supervision on a deserted island after their plane is shot down and the pilot (the only adult!) is killed in the crash. They start to develop some rules of order and leadership, but things start to disintegrate quickly as one of the boys, Jack, sets himself against Ralph. He leads most of the others to accidentally kill a boy named Simon during a frenzied violent “dance” and mistreat and eventually kill another boy whom they nicknamed Piggy.

At the end of the book, Jack is leading all of the other boys to hunt down and kill Ralph. They can’t find him in the thick jungle of the island and so they decide to smoke him out. This large fire attracts the attention of a nearby ship who comes to the island to see what is happening.

As Ralph emerges from the cover of the jungle onto the beach where he is vulnerable and exposed to his attackers, he finds himself at the feet of a soldier. As the other boys emerge from the jungle, screaming and covered with war paint and wielding homemade weapons, they too see the soldier and they are stopped in their tracks.

In the 90s film version, the soldier says to the boys, “What are you guys doing?” In the book, it is even more profound and deeply layered: “What have you been doing? Having a war or something?” This interruption provides salvation for not just Ralph but also for the boys who were about to do something unthinkable and destructive. This type of violent behavior affects the perpetrators as trauma.

In this article on the Inclusion Solution’s website, this type of trauma is described:

• Mark Charles, a Native American (Navajo) pastor and activist, contends that white people who have perpetrated injustices against people of color over generations also experience trauma, not as victims but as perpetrators. Perpetration Induced Traumatic Stress (PITS), a term coined by peace psychologist Rachel MacNair, describes incidents of PTSD resulting from the trauma of having committed violence, as contrasted with trauma caused by witnessing or being the recipient of a violent act. Charles says that a nation built on 500 years of perpetuating injustices must also be experiencing historical trauma. He quotes Socrates: “The doer of injustice is more miserable than the sufferer. “ 

This act of the Egyptians giving up their wealth to the formerly enslaved people, this example of reparations, is part of their redemption story. The good news for the oppressors (and we’ll see this later when Nehemiah goes back to rebuild) is that they can participate in the restoration of the oppressed. 

This concept is part of the messianic song which we see in Isaiah and then again in Luke:

Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
And the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

The good news for the oppressors is different from the good news for the oppressed. For those of us experiencing relative privilege in the world, the words of John the Baptist provide a simple path to this type of redemption: “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.”

And of course, Jesus Himself gives us instructions along these same lines when He describes the sheep and goats: “I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me,” (more on this here).

At Uptown Church yesterday, Pastor Jeremy gave a similar message. In our sermon series on the Lord’s Prayer, the focus was on the first words, “Our Father.” This inclusive, plural pronoun packs a punch. It shows that God is the God of all! In the practice of faith in this country, this has not been the case. He reminded us of the words of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “the most segregated hour of Christian America is 11 o'clock on Sunday morning.” He then outlined racial injustices in the history of the church, in particular around the Great Awakening and the Asuza Street Revival.

I am thankful to be part of a church that is actively seeking to give voice to the disenfranchised and marginalized among us in Uptown. Our corporate benediction reflects our values: “Lord, help us to disrupt suffering and mend what is broken with the hope of Jesus.”

As I read the Old Testament this winter, I am asking God for the grace to read from the perspective of an oppressor. I am asking God to show me the good news for all people so that I, together with every nation, tribe, language and people, can look into the face of my Savior and be made whole in His presence.

Look at Things in New Ways

Many years ago, I was driving in rural Illinois when all of the sudden the car filled with a familiar but unpleasant odor. "Ugh, a skunk!" I lamented. My friend, who had grown up on a farm, commented, "I actually kinda like it. It's just a strong musky smell." I was shocked. I had never heard anyone say anything positive about skunk smell! After she said this, I breathed in a little of the odor with this in mind, and it really didn't smell as bad as I thought. In fact, as it dissipated, I started to see what she meant. 
This moment has become a memorial to me of sorts. I have often thought back to this when I hear or read things radically different than what I have heard most of my life - especially when I realize I am just parroting some idea or thought that is widely held but rarely challenged. 
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about what I learned about women in the Bible and women's roles in church and home. Most of what I heard and thought was what might be considered traditional or conservative. Women supporting men in roles of leadership but not leading themselves. No women pastors or elders.  
I am thankful to have landed in a denomination that recognizes women in leadership and I am now a pastor myself, but that didn't keep the old thoughts and rationales from rising up again as I started to read through the Bible at the beginning of the month. There are still so many places in the church where women leaders aren't affirmed. The recent comments from John MacArthur about Beth Moore and the subsequent responses doubling down in his defense started making me feel discouraged. So many voices saying that they are seeing things "biblically" and that the issue was "clear."
As I started the bible reading plan, I asked God to show me as I read through the Old Testament what God thinks about women. Not that I hadn't thought of this before, but I really wanted to hear God for Godself on the issue and not any other voices. 
The first story in the bible where anyone has any dialogue has a woman main character. Have you ever thought of that? I don't know about you, but all during my school years, most books we read had male protagonists. If a movie or a book has a female lead, it's usually considered a "chick flick" or "empowering" and the expected audience is female. But here we see a strong female character. She has agency, leadership, influence - she makes a decision to be independent of God and to have the ability to decide good and evil for herself. This is usually considered to be the fall of humanity, but in many senses, it is actually the rise of humanity - this act sets in motion the complicated and intricate plan of redemption and salvation of a people with the freedom to choose.
Several chapters later, the main character of one of the stories is Hagar, a slave woman who has been mistreated and runs away from her masters. In this story, a disenfranchised woman is sought out by God - God appears to her, talks to her, addresses her plight and redirects her path. She gives God a name - "the God who sees." God talks to her again after she is sent away a second time.
Sarah is also a main character in this story with a lot of agency (for good and bad) who is also addressed by God through angelic messengers.  
Rebekah is also a strong female character - God talks to her directly concerning her unborn children. In the story of her family, we know about her preferential treatment of her younger son and the role she plays in the trickery that he undertakes to steal the blessing from his brother. 
Already in the story that God is telling about God's people, there are enough indications that who the women are and what they do is significant to God. Women are named, have agency, are talked to directly. In most history books that I read in school, I do not remember hearing any stories of women. If there were an occasional story about a woman, she was usually someone's wife or mother (which is also sometimes the case in the biblical narratives) but definitely not disenfranchised or powerless. 
I am definitely hearing God loud and clear that women are valued and their voices matter. 
Going back to the skunk story, maybe you think it's a stinky example (ha!) since it's so widely acknowledged as being a "bad" smell. I think that is precisely why it is such a great analogy. According to Rachel S. Herz, Ph.D, odor preference is learned and not hardwired. I think that some of the ways that people arrive at their beliefs are influenced by their environment and/or "inherited." I find it refreshing to read and reread God's word with the Holy Spirit guiding my thoughts and pointing out things I hadn't seen before. As Jesus said to His disciples, "every teacher of the law who has become a disciple in the kingdom of heaven is like the owner of a house who brings out of his storeroom new treasures as well as old.” I am looking forward to polishing some old treasures that I cherish and also to discovering new ones in the vast storeroom of God's word.

So Many Threads

Inspired by the weekly liturgical writings of Debi Thomas, I made a New Year's resolution of sorts to write each week reflecting on the readings in the Read Scripture app that we are doing together as Uptown Church. I love the Bible Project and was so excited to hear that we are doing this together. Reading the Bible as a people has always been God's intent - one of the many threads we see throughout the Word, but I am getting ahead of myself. 

At the end of last year, my friend Angela posted a picture of her loom and a piece of cloth that she had woven. I have vague memories of my mom having a loom when I was very young and I definitely remember passing the shuttle back and forth and pressing the threads together. I didn't realize that this image was in the back of my mind while I was reading this week until I got to the story of Melchizedek. This verse stood out to me: "Then Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine. He was priest of God Most High" Genesis 14:18. When I saw the bread and wine reference, I wrote down in my journal, "so many threads to follow." Immediately, the picture of Angela's loom was in my mind and her comment of having to rethread the 300+ threads several times to get it right. 

Is the world God's great loom? or is time the great framework? This made me stop and think of all the threads that are already started in the first 18 chapters of Genesis: 

• covenant
• belief/trust in God
• good and evil
• barren women/birth/seed
• trees
• offering/altars/sacrifice
• stories with women main characters

I am excited to watch these threads be woven again and again into the story of God and God's people partnering together to make a world where God is welcome and the people of God are a blessing to those around them. 

I watched a lot of weaving videos and they were all so beautiful and breathtaking. The attention to detail. The breadth of the set up and preparation. Mostly replaced by machines these days, but still so many made by hand - all over the world! The one machine that especially caught my attention was the Jacquard loom - probably because of my love of mathematics and order but also because of the nature of the process.  Watch here for a short explanation.

 

I am hoping to write a poem each week as well, but I am not going to force it. This is one that I wrote in the wee hours of the morning today as I prayed and reflected on the many threads we are invited to follow.

The Master Weaver

a reflection on Genesis 1 - 18  

In the beginning
the framework was bare
the Master Weaver assembled the loom
tying countless strings
blocking the pattern
preparing the cards
then, when all was in it's proper place,
the machinery lurched into action
strings going every which way
the slap of the beater
the motion of the treadles 
the shuttle passes through
back and forth
each pass creating a new measure of fabric
threads combining
being forced together
this seemingly chaotic concomitance of chords
making order out of the tangled webs
the weft. the warp.
passing through the proper threads
at the proper time
this intelligent design
counterweights from above
working in concert with the countless threads
to make a single cloth
the fabric lengthens
until the time when
the pattern is complete
the final card is read
the final row is secured
the fabric is ready to be cut loose
all the loose ends tied
the rough edges made plain
ready to be placed
on the banquet table